Review #37: Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands

The third book in Stephen King's epic Dark Tower cycle is titled The Waste Lands. This book picks up the action a few months after the events of The Drawing of the Three and follows Roland, Eddie and Susannah as they journey inland from the ocean. Roland is now suffering from a mental paradox. Because he killed Jack Mort, Mort was never able to push Jake Chambers in front of a car. Since that never happened, in Roland's mind Jake is now both alive and dead. Jake Chambers, living in New York, is experiencing the same thing. In his journeys he comes across a vacant lot with a single rose growing in it. He also meets Calvin Tower and Aaron Deepneau, two fairly important figures in the later books of the series.

The trio is attacked by a giant bear called Mir, or Shardik, depending on the translation Roland gives. The bear is actually a cyborg/robot who is one of the Guardians of the Beam. The Beams, Roland explains, hold up the Dark Tower. They are not physical objects, but essentially currents or energy.

The group finds the Path of the Beam and they begin to follow it, knowing it will lead them to the Dark Tower. Eddie begins kind of absent-mindedly whittling a key out of wood. As they approach another speaking ring, Rolands comes to understand that the third has not truly been drawn yet, and that Jake Chambers is coming to them through the ring. Susannah is forced to have sex with the demon of the ring to distract it while Eddie and Roland pull Jake through.

Once Jake is through, the group is joined by Oy the Billy-Bumbler, a type of dog/racoon with the ability to mimic speech like a parrot. They journey to the town of River Crossing and receive the blessing of the town Matriarch before going on to the city of Lud.

The entrance to Lud is the George Washington Bridge, but before they reach it they find an old Nazi airplane crashed outside the city. While crossing the bridge Jake Chambers is abducted by Gasher, a street thug. Roland goes to rescue him while Eddie and Susannah find a way out of the city, a monorail train.

They eventually board the train, but in doing so they learn that the train has gone crazy and will crash and kill them all unless they can pose a riddle that the train, Blaine, does not know the answer to.

More than a few fans of the series were angered by the pseudo-cliffhanger ending of this book. The train is flying out over the Waste Lands towards its mysterious destination (Topeka, Kansas). The group begins seeking riddles. That's it.

Overall, though, this is a really good book. Unlike other long book series that seem to contain a lot of filler, everything in this book is important. For me, considering that this is a very enjoyable series, this book steps up a bit. I can't really say why.

Final Grade: A+
Re-readability: 9.8

Review #36: The Judas Strain

The fourth entry in James Rollins's Sigma Force series is The Judas Strain. The book follows our regular heroes (Gray Pierce, Monk Kokkalis, Kat Bryant, Painter Crowe, Lisa Cummings) as they try to once again thwart the Guild and the Imperial Dragon Court. This time, the very existence of life on Earth is at stake.

The book begins with Marco Polo, who carried a dark secret with him to the grave. It is up to the heroes of Sigma Force to track down the clues he left behind and save the day.

Meanwhile, on a hospital ship in the south Pacific, Monk and Lisa are battling an unknown disease, which they learn is a Judas Strain, is virus or disease capable of causing mass extinction. The Guild is seeking to master the Judas Strain as a weapon.

The hospital ship is commandeered and taken deep into the Indonesian archipelago. Monk and Lisa unite a divided crew to escape and reclaim the ship, which is eventually sunk.

Gray and the others follow Marco Polo's clues to the Angkor Wat temple complex, where they find a room covered in "angelic script" or proto-Hebrew. Gray and the crew learn that Marco Polo had found a "vaccination" for the Judas Strain, and that one of the passengers on the doomed hospital ship carries the ability to negate the strain.

She is rushed to the temple complex, where she works her magic and saves the world. Unfortunately, Monk Kokkalis is lost. The only thing they find of him is his prosthetic hand (he lost his hand in Map of Bones). After the danger is quelled, Gray Pierce and the rest of Sigma Force meet for a funeral, where the plan to bury the hand, as it is all that is left of Monk. As Gray is leaving, one finger on the hand taps out S-O-S.

Rollins is quickly becoming the master of the spy-thriller-scifi genre. The Sigma Force series confirms such diagnosis.

Final Grade: A-
Re-readability: 8.9

Review #35: Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three

When last we left the Dark Tower series, Roland of Gilead had ended his long palaver with Walter, the Man in Black, and he'd reached the Western Sea. The second book in the series, The Drawing of the Three, starts a mere eight hours later, as Roland is viciously attacked by "lobstrosities," a type of giant lobster-like sea monster. The creatures bite off Roland's middle and index finger on his right hand, as well as part of his big toe. He survives the ordeal, but begins to get sick from infection.

As he makes his way along the beach, Roland encounters three doors. He remembers what Walter said to him, that he would draw three to him. The first door (The PRISONER) leads Roland to Eddie Dean, a heroin junkie from New York in 1987. Eddie is smuggling heroin into the US, and Roland helps him get the stuff through customs, because he can't afford to lose Eddie. Eventually the two make it to Enrico Balazar, who is waiting for Eddie to bring him the heroin. Roland comes through into New York, a shoot-out occurs, and Roland and Eddie escape.

The second door (the LADY OF SHADOWS) leads Roland to Odetta Holmes, who is a mild-mannered civil rights activist in New York in 1964. She lost her legs below the knees after she was pushed in front of a subway train. Also, as a small child, she was hit in the head by a brick thrown from a high building. Both instances of violence against Odetta were perpetrated by Jack Mort. Odetta though, has a sadistic alternate personality, Detta Walker. Odetta is unaware of Detta's existence. Roland pulls her through to Mid-World.

The third door (The PUSHER) forces Roland to confront Jack Mort, who not only is responsible for Odetta/Detta, but is also the man who pushed Jake Chambers in front of a car in 1977. Roland eventually leads the man through a few misadventures before depositing him in front of the same subway train that he pushed Odetta under.

These events force Odetta and Detta, the split personalities, to fuse into one being (later to be called Susannah). Roland slowly recovers from the "lobstrosity" attack, thanks to astin (aspirin that Eddie brings him from our world). Invisotext

This second book in King's Dark Tower series is possibly one of the weaker outings, especially in my mind, but as we get further into the reviews I think it will become evident why.

Final Grade: B
Re-readability: 8.8

Review #34: Black Order

James Rollins continues the amazingly fun Sigma Force series with Black Order, a book that traces clues out of the Darwin Family Bible as Sigma Force and a former Nazi face off against each other, seeking the answer to the origin of life on Earth. The book focuses heavily on the mystic nature of some Nazi beliefs, as well as a desire to control evolution.

Using Darwin's Bible, and other clues, the Sigma team traipses all over the globe, through the Himalayas, through Denmark, through Europe as a whole, all the way to South Africa.

Along the way they realize the implications of an old Nazi experiment called the Bell, which delivered results on a quantum level. I discussed this once in a post over on the Right Wing, as it was almost a scientific admittance that prayer does in some way work. The quantum theory that Rollins uses claims that observation of something effects the outcomes that the thing produces. It's all very science-like and I really don't want to discuss something that I've already posted.

The usual characters are back, Gray Pierce, Monk Kokkalis, Kat Bryant (now married to Monk), Director Painter Crowe, Sean McKinght, and some new characters appear, like Lisa Cummings. The enemies, a group of former Nazis and scientists, control the Bell, seeking to control evolution and create the "master race," although early attempts leave them with "leperkoenig" or leper king, which one of their creations is called, because he is immensely strong physically, yet lacking in many other areas.

The novel, much like the others in the series, contains a conclusion that leaves open the possibility for further adventures on the topic.

Final Grade: A-
Re-readability: 8.7

Why Do We Write What We Write?

Say that title three times fast. Okay. Now, say it three times slow. Which one messed you up worse?

Anyway, that's not the point at all. Why? Why do we write the things we write? What influences style?

I've been thinking about that lately, and I decided that some self-examination was in order, especially considering my latest story involves a dystopic future world where a talking mouse in leading a man beside a river that flows uphill. So you see, self examination was rightly in order.

What exactly has brought me to this point? I think most writers will tell you that they are influenced by their surroundings, their situations, and their life in general. I'm poor, therefore most of my characters are poor. Darby O'Hanlon drove a piece of crap car. I'm slightly crazy, and so most of my characters are slightly crazy. Poor old Darby thought the world was going to end, and technically he's still right, he was just off on the timing. I'm single, and I usually create characters that are single. It avoids clutter... I have a talking mouse in Historia, and I talk to animals all the time, although I know that no spoken response will come, it's the whole affection of the animal thing.

But is that all? What part does my religion play in my writing? Darby dealt with this in a very roundabout way. In one version of the story he's confronted by a homeless man who tells him about religions. Clifford, in the expanded version I'm currently working on, deals in some minor ways with religion, and there's a new character, the Right Reverend Squire.

What about music? I almost always write to music, and I'm writing to music as I type this. Ludovico Einaudi has become one of my favorites. But I also go back to the old days, and dig up some good old fashioned rock. But classical is my wheelhouse, especially on Historia. In fact, if you go an look at the soundtrack I posted in January, you'll see a lot of classical on there. There's also Avantasia, a project from Edguy leadman Tobias Sammet, which is a rock opera that I highly suggest. Powerful stuff.

So that's it. I think. Not really. I never really self examined, I more self explained. Maybe that's why they call it introspection. I need to rethink my purpose for this blog entry...

Review #33: Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger

Stephen King's sweeping Dark Tower series begins with The Gunslinger. First published in increments starting in 1978, the actual first book came out in 1982 (the year I was born, I'm telling you, this series means a lot to me). King himself refers to this series as his magnum opus, and one can hardly blame him.

The Gunslinger (subtitled RESUMPTION, more on that later) follows Roland as he crosses the Mohaine Desert, as he calls it, the apotheosis of all deserts, chasing the Man in Black. The book features one of the simplest, yet greatest, opening lines in literary history:

The man in black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed.

Roland Deschain is a Gunslinger, a sort of knight-errant from the lost barony of Gilead. His quest is for the Dark Tower, the nexus of all time and space. Along the way in this book he meet Jake Chambers at a waystation. Jake had lived in New York in 1977 but had been pushed into the path of a car and killed. He awoke in the waystation where Roland found him, and he went with Roland afterward.

Roland takes a path through the mountain, but loses Jake along the way. (Jake's last words are "Go then, there are other worlds than these" and he falls.) Roland eventually catches the man in black, who reveals that he will draw three unto him, the PRISONER, the LADY OF SHADOWS, and DEATH (But not for you, Gunslinger.)

King's entry into the Dark Tower was revised in 2003 to streamline the original book, and thereby make it better fit the series. He removed certain aspects, and changed names, all to make the reader more comfortable. Having read both, I must say that the original was very good, but in terms of fitting the story, the revised copy makes more sense.

Final Grade: A
Re-readability: 9.0

Review #32: Map of Bones

James Rollins is one of my favorite authors. His Sigma Force series is outstanding. Map of Bones, the second book in the series, could stand by itself and be good, but within the series it goes to the next level.

The story follows the bones of the Magi, the wisemen who visited the infant Christ. Their bones are stored in cathedrals in Europe, but it turns out they aren't bones at all, but a white gold powder amalgam with deadly electro-magnetic properties.

The book rages through the Vatican, various cathedral, the lighthouse at Alexandria (where our adventurers find the tomb of Alexander the Great, and even to France, where the exiled Papacy sat for years before returning to the Vatican.

Sigma Force, an elite branch of "killer scientists" founded under the American group DARPA, does battle with the Guild and the Imperial Dragon Court, trying to master the properties of the amalgam and create a new world order.

The characters, Grayson Pierce, Monk Kokkalis, Kat Bryant, and many others, are easily likeable. For me, these characters reach the same status as Stephen King's characters in the Dark Tower series. Rollins mixes science with adventure, and has been called the modern day Indiana Jones of writing.

Final Grade: A
Re-readability: 9.1

Note: Hopefully these book reviews will be making a bit of a comeback here on Novel Idea. I want to get around to the other books of the Sigma Force series ( 1. Sandstorm, 3. Black Order, 4. The Judas Strain, 5. The Last Oracle, and 6. The Doomsday Key (due out Summer 2009)) and the Dark Tower series (The Gunslinger, Drawing of the Three, The Waste Lands, Wizard and Glass, Wolves of the Calla, Song of Susannah, The Dark Tower). Hopefully.

Fiction on the Fly #2

James rolled down the window as his beat-up Ford sputtered to a stop beside the McDonald's drive-thru speaker.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'd like a sausage biscuit and a sweet tea."

"Okay, that's a egg and cheese biscuit and a small coke."

"No. I said a sausage biscuit and a sweet tea."

"Sorry. So, you've got a sausage biscuit and a large coffee., right?"

"No, a sweet tea."

"Mountain Dew?"

"Sweet tea."

"Small coffee, two creams?"

"Forget it!"

"Alright, that's thirty-seven fifty, drive around please. Oh, would you like an apple pie with that?"

James tried to speed away from the drive-thru, but his truck stalled. He walked away.

Historia, Part XXVIII

Perhaps believing that he could think away his problems was a premature notion. He’d slept in relative warmth through the night, but when he awoke the following morning the snowstorm had intensified and had blown into the fallen statue. His pathway up was now more precarious than ever.

Far below him, at the top of the statue, he heard a knocking sound. Immediately, though, he dismissed it as a most likely a dog seeking shelter from the storm.

He brushed the light amounts of snow from the steps and began climbing once more. As he neared the bottom of the statue, the top of his climb, the snow grew thicker. Each cleared step was wasted energy.

The eight-story climb was proving to be easy in much the same way moving the moon closer to earth is easy. Clifford was tiring out very quickly, such was the effort of moving the piled snow on each stair. By the time he had cleared off four of the eight remaining flights of stairs he was physically exhausted and mentally he had checked out three flights of stairs ago. His mind had occupied itself with creating new song combinations. He’d thought of playing “I Can See for Miles” while sings “Imagine” but he’d given up that game when he realized the lunacy of it all.

After what felt like days of climbing, but was truthfully only little more than an hour, Clifford Jenkins emerged from the top of the bottom of the statue. The snow continued to fall in the early morning light. The knocking sound in the statue seemed closer. He could actually feel it reverberate through the metal walls.

The statue had broken at its base and had fallen over face-first. Clifford emerged from what looked to have once been a big toe. The ragged edges of the statue base and the statue itself were truly one enormous jigsaw puzzle with only two pieces, something it would take a god or at least something bigger than Clifford to reassemble.

Clifford stepped out onto the top of the pyramid, ignoring the knock that grew closer. If it was a wild dog it could probably smell the food he carried. He toyed with the notion of tossing a single piece of dried meat back down the upside-down stairwell. And then he looked around. The whole of Historia stretched out in all directions from him. He could see all the things he’d passed on his journey, and he could even make out the path that he and Jamie Conner had taken coming off the mountain in the East.

Away to the north stood the gold-domed Vat-a-Can, while to the South was the cathedral-building of the wild dogs. The black marble wall with the engraved names and the seated-clown statue glistened in the scant flashes of morning sun. Clifford breathed a massive sigh of relief.

One day he’d been sitting in Timey’s bar in Nostalgia when the urge had feel on him to go to Historia. He had never been able to place why he’d knew that he had to go, but he had gone. His mission, especially since the flood in Lithe, had been to reach the pyramid. And now, not only had he reached the pyramid, but he stood atop it, victorious. He had conquered Historia.

And that’s when the floor gave way beneath him.

He tumbled into the dark, reaching out for anything to grab hold of and slow his descent. During the mad flailing for safety Clifford noted that the surface he slid along was smooth, which meant that either God or nature was smiling on him and giving him a comfortable death, or he’d been standing on a trapdoor on the roof. Of course, that last option seemed far too deus ex machina-ish for him, and with that thought it hit him that he had no idea what a deus ex machina was, and it would’ve surprised him beyond measure to learn that, essentially, his entire life was one big slaphappy deus ex machina playing out in the heart of old Nostalgia.

He pondered this as he slid, and he slid until he plopped unceremoniously down onto a very plush bed. He fought the urge to go back to sleep and forced himself to sit up and take in his surroundings.

The room was huge, but the ceiling had a rather large hole in it. The hole, Clifford surmised without much doubt, was the trapdoor he’d fallen through. The bed was huge, easily four times larger in all dimensions (including the fifth) than any bed Clifford had ever seen, much less slept in. And after the grueling exercise of sweeping snow off of upside-down steps that tilted at a better than twenty degree angle, Clifford’s body really wanted to sleep.

He continued to survey the room. It was decorated much like Clifford thought a king’s room would look. And slowly it dawned on him that he was in Father Time’s bed room.

To his right was a large purple chair near a window. The window was broken out, and Clifford realized that it was the window he’d seen smoking pouring from when he’d stood on the mountain to the East of Historia as Jamie Conner deserted him. At least now he knew what direction was East.

On the thickly carpeted floor near the chair was a pile of ashes and Clifford would say that the first thought to cross his mind was that Father Time had spontaneously combusted. It was quickly realized, though, that the pile of ash was just that. Apparently someone had decided on building a bon fire in Father Time’s bedroom. Possibly Father Time himself.

To Clifford’s left was a large cabinet, and through the open door of this cabinet Clifford could see a recklessly compiled wardrobe and more than a few empty bottle of alcohol. The floor in front of the cabinet was littered with paper and dirty clothes. Clifford listened, but he heard nothing. The room was empty, save for him. The knocking in the statue hadn’t followed him.

He rolled off the bed, and for the first time thought of his guitar. It was broken. Scratched, smashed, dented, dinged, ripped, torn, beaten. It was gone. All that remained was a broken wooden body and neck and six loose strings. He laid the guitar on the bed gently, almost as if it were a fallen comrade. He closed his eyes and rested his hand on the scratched neck one last time.

When he opened his eyes and turned around he was met by a man dressed in khaki slacks and a white T-shirt, with mussed up brown hair and a wild look in his eye. Father Time.

Clifford vocalized that thought. The Father Time part, not the physical description part.

“Right! I am! Name’s Ted.”

Clifford swore that Schrodinger had mentioned that at some point, that Father Time was named Ted. And that he was dying, but no one knew why. Also he was only a year or two older than Clifford, although Clifford would bet that, even though Father Ted Time looked like crap and death warmed over had had a love child, he probably looked far worse for wear.

Clifford cleared his throat, “I’m Clifford Jenkins, from Nostalgia.”

Father Ted Time grabbed him by the shoulders, “I know you are!”

Clifford leaned back. Ted’s breath reeked of whiskey, or vodka, or most likely both. He blinked for a moment as Father Time released his grip, “So...”

Father Time grabbed him by the shoulders again, “I only have one question for you, Cliff!”

“Okay, go ahead.” Clifford suddenly felt like something bad was about to happen.

“It’s the only question I got, and then we’ll talk for a while.”

Clifford nodded, “I’ll try my best to answer.”

“Okay, here goes. Golly, I’ve been waiting a while to ask this.”

Clifford shrugged Father Time’s hands off his shoulders and stepped back, “Will you just ask already!”

Father Time smiled, “Did you bring Granpappy’s will?”

Great Quotes

"I'm so tired that I can't take anymore. Well, I probably could take more, but by the time I did I'd be so tired that it just wouldn't do."

-the greatest person in the world (not me)

Historia, Part XXVII

Clifford’s laughter, though, was short-lived. As he looked around the depth of carnage unleashed by the collapsing statue-cannon became readily apparent. The ground was scorched black, turning a light gray in the rain/snow that was falling. The broken statue lay against the side of the pyramid, its greenish metal twisted and blackened. Some areas of it still smoked, as though the fire from the cannon still raged.

The black helmeted head of the statue had rolled off and now lay over to the side against a row of trees. Part of the faceplate was gone, likely blown away in the resulting fire, and underneath where it had once been was a genteel face sculpted of the same greenish metal as the rest of the statue.

Clifford, who had been standing in a bit of a ditch, stepped up to the same level as the pyramid and was greeted with a horrifying sight. The ground was covered with burned skeletons, many twisted in agony, some curled into fetal positions, some scattered over large areas. None alive.

The statue’s fall had done considerable damage, and had cost many lives. As Clifford surveyed the damage, he realized just how badly the pyramid itself had been compromised. The golden surface was dented and torn in many places, including the top, where Clifford knew he had to go.

He thought for a moment about looking for an entrance to the pyramid, but his attention kept returning to the downed statue. He walked toward it, careful not to disturb the remains scattered about. Once he had reached the statue, he quickly appreciated both its size, and the overall size of the pyramid. They were huge.

He stepped inside the now ripped open neck and saw stairs leading up. He knew immediately that he would actually be walking on the under-side of the stairs, but they accomplished his goal just the same. That is, if they were strong enough to take his weight. The fall might very well have jarred them loose.

He took the first tentative steps onto the upside down staircase and found them sturdy. He began to move with more speed, and since there was no give to cause him to hesitate, he began to take the stairs two at a time, and sometimes three at a time. The stairs zigzagged throughout the body of the immense statue, passing floors that now served as ceiling and ceilings that now served as floors, all running at about a 20-degree angle.

Every so often he would happen across a window that looked out on Historia. The higher he climbed the more expansive his view became, and when he was near the top he noticed something. The sentry station, the black wall with the names, and the fountain where he’d seen the body crash down were in perfect zyzygy, even though he knew, for a fact, that he’d taken many turns along the street going from one to the next.

The top of the statue... well, what was now the top, once the bottom, if that makes sense, was near. With it, Clifford knew, he would once more be exposed to the weather, which from the windows looked to be all snow now. And nightfall was nearing as well. He thought about the fire he had seen smoldering within the statue’s body, some eight stair-flights back. It would keep him warm and sheltered until the next day, and he would be able to get some sleep.

He had all he needed. Guitar, gun (guns, actually. He still carried the M-1 Garand as well as the sidearm he’d lifted off the dead soldier when he’d first reached Historia), food (there was still some dried meat in his bundle, along with the cheese-block in the leafy paper), and coat. He worked his way back down the stairs, which for some reason seemed a far more dangerous proposition than going up. The fire that was smoldering proved to be the remains of a desk, meaning that he was near what had been the bottom of the statue, where office would’ve been.

He stoked the fire back up a little bit so he could get warm. Nestling close to it he put his bundle and guitar over to the side. It was odd carrying the bundle and not have Schrodinger in it, but Clifford didn’t mind anymore. Not since Schrodinger’s deception had been revealed.

But why had Schrodinger acted the way he had? It struck Clifford as odd that the mouse would lie so blatantly just to keep him in the dark. The book had been blank all along, and Clifford doubted if he had ever had any sort of gift. Most likely the mouse had merely found him useful as a means of getting to Historia quicker.

But that didn’t explain what had happened in the King’s Valley. Or at the Farm of Pepperidge for that matter. For the first time, truly the first time, Clifford’s mind found itself occupied by what had actually happened at those places.

Maybe this world was just that different. Maybe, he thought, once you crossed the Mountains of Antiquity and entered the valley that is Historia, everything changed. The laws of nature seemed different. Clifford’s time-sense was definitely suffering some adverse effects. He had wondered a few times how his hair had grown so much during his first night away from Nostalgia, and yet he hadn’t grown a beard. Perhaps he did have some kind of gift, some power that was new to the world. Perhaps he had adapted to the world instead of making it adapt to him.

Schrodinger had once told him, just before they had bedded down for the night (along the road to the Farm of Pepperidge, just after the encounter with Israel Putnam), and again in the sentry station, that humans made the environment change to their needs. Clifford hadn’t thought much of the statement at the time, but now he understood it better. Human stupidity was, in essence, the mother of innovation and invention. If the climate was too cold, humans would make better coats, or build thicker walls instead of move to a warmer, more temperate area.

Maybe, just maybe, Clifford Jenkins was the first human in ages to adapt to the world, and his adaptation was a gift that allowed him to survive. He was able to avoid problems by thinking them away. He could remember the teacher at the University in Nostalgia telling the students once that they could not simply think their problems away; that they had to solve them. And now Clifford Jenkins sat on an un-numbered ceiling-floor in an upside down statue. And now Clifford Jenkins understood that he could actually think away his problems.

Historia, Part XXVI

Clifford stared at the book for a long moment, each second that ticked by seeming to grow even more anger on his face. And then, at that precise moment, it hit him. He realized that he’d let a mouse get the better of him because he’d wanted to think of himself as special. And with that near-epiphany, he realized that he no longer needed Schrodinger.

He tossed the book lightly onto the cot and began walking toward the exit. The mouse was shouting something to him, but it no longer mattered. Only the pyramid remained before him.

“Clifford, you can’t leave us.” Schrodinger yelled, running behind him to keep up.

With a wave of his hand Clifford dismissed him, but then he stopped, “Oh wait. I need my stuff.”

“What stuff?” the mouse asked.

“You told me that you found my bundle and my guitar. I’d like them back.”

Schrodinger motioned for the cats to retrieve the items. As they brought them forward Clifford inspected each one, making sure that everything was in place. The bundle still contained a bit a cheese wrapped in leafy-paper and the extra guitar strings, as well as the Swedish Navy Knife. The envelope was still there as well.

Schrodinger sighed (hilarious) and asked, “Can you at least tell me what is in the envelope? You’ve carried it with you as long as I’ve known you.”

“Why not? It’s my granpappy’s last will and testament.”

Schrodinger leaned back a bit. For some reason, he seemed troubled by that news. But he let it pass and watched as Clifford Jenkins walked away. Clifford stopped long enough to gather up a hooded-coat that one of the Historians had worn and wrapped it around himself. The rain shower from earlier seemed to have brought winter’s chill with it.

Clifford left the Sentry station and walked in a general north-west direction. He could see the smoking top to the pyramid over some faraway buildings, and he knew that he could reach it with relative ease.

The rain shower that had passed returned moments later, bringing with it a fierce wind. Clifford pulled the coat’s hood up and kept walking. For a moment he hoped that he would never see Schrodinger or the any of the cats ever again. He regretted that thought, but he could not deny it. Schrodinger had brought him much pain and confusion, of that there was no doubt. More than any man should have to put up with in one day if you get right down to it.

The roads beyond the sentry station, those that led to the pyramid, were broken and in need of some rather serious repair work. Some places were sunken in, some were not even paved. More displaced train-track sections littered the area. There was a building with a dilapidated sign out front, missing quite a few letters, that Clifford could not name. The sign read S_AR_UC_S in extremely faded green letters.

He walked on. Something in his mind, perhaps during his dreams, had told him that the Pyramid was not far from the sentry station, that perhaps the Historians they had slaughtered to take the station were the last line of defense for Father Time. He passed a massive cathedral like structure with a large rounded dome and a smaller statue on top, nothing like the pyramid. Some of the windows of the cathedral-building were missing, and from inside Clifford could hear wild dogs barking and running. He walked on.

The street narrowed has he approached the intersection ahead. Small little shops and, what looked like restaurants, lined the way. Some he had heard of (like one featuring a large, rounded off golden M out front (I’m trying to avoid copyright laws, okay?)), and some he had never heard of. He hunkered down inside the coat and looked up to see that the rain had turned into a rain/snow mix. His guitar was suffering in silent agony.

As he rounded a corner into the intersection, Clifford was confronted by a scene he wasn’t expecting. Not a necessarily shocking scene, but still not one he was prepared for.

The statue of a man seated in a high-backed chair (like the one at the end of Timey’s bar-piano, but far more ornate) was leaning at about a 60-degree angle against the side of a black marble wall with names carved into it. The statue’s face had been painted over to resemble a clown.

Clifford walked by the marble wall, partly because he was drawn to it, mostly because it sheltered him from the wind. He ran his hand along the wall, feeling the deep cold of the marble. The names were almost familiar to him, and he felt for a moment that if he searched hard enough he would find Jaime Connor’s name on it somewhere, probably toward the end he was approaching. (He was right, Jaime’s name was on the wall, fourth from the last in the very last column. Clifford never saw it.)

As he passed the end of the wall he had to snug the hood tighter around his head to protect himself from the cold. A stray thought, possibly carried on the wind, entered his mind that perhaps Historia was colder near the middle. With his thoughts concerned with staying warm, and partly with the wall, Clifford never noticed that he’d reached the outer wall of the pyramid.

He stopped and stared for a moment. He was there. The end of his journey. Clifford Jenkins, as sensible as any man of forty years, stood on the precipice of his destiny. And he laughed.

Historia, Part XXV

Schrodinger watched in horror. Well, horror is too strong of a word to use. He was definitely afraid of what would happen next, but horror conjures up images of Stephen King and TV shows where people sing and a British man makes fun of them. The particular sensation that Schrodinger experienced could be described as, perhaps, low-grade horror. Fear was a better word.

He spent so much time getting Clifford Jenkins to this point. He’d very nearly died during the flood in Lithe. And before that, during the battle of the Farm of Pepperidge, Schrodinger had feared for their safety before remembering, and utilizing, the strange gift that Clifford possessed. And even before reaching the Farm of Pepperidge, Schrodinger had started to wonder about Clifford. As they passed through the King’s Valley, and walked for what should have been days but was only hours alongside a river that flowed uphill Schrodinger had continually assessed Clifford Jenkins, trying to figure him out.

Who was this man? How had he come to be in the sleepy town of Nostalgia? He had grown up on the doorstep of Historia, and ever since Schrodinger had somehow joined up with him (Schrodinger knew exactly how he’d joined up with Clifford. It had required patience, timing, and the ability to act dumb and take cheese when the large man had offered it) he had known something was different. Then, as they had journeyed, Schrodinger had gained a rather hefty appreciation of Clifford’s gift. And with that he knew that Father Time could be replaced.

And now, it seemed, Clifford was poised to throw all of that away. All of the adventures they’d been through. The bond that existed between them from their long journey. And deep within the processes going on in Schrodinger’s mind, a rather large cudgel of fear grew even bigger and began battering the other thoughts aside, forcing the mouse to focus on the here-and-now, the great crashing down that was about to cascade from Clifford Jenkins and likely swallow up the entire sentry station, and then all of Historia.

The rainstorm that had started early ended very suddenly, with both mouse and man standing in gathering puddles as the water ran off of them. Schrodinger’s mind allowed him a brief moment of pseudo-levity as he realized his puddle was larger than it should be, and then he suddenly didn’t want to question why. And as that moment of levity passed, the mouse began trying to think like Clifford. He was doing all he could to stop the fear-cudgel from damaging him. How would Clifford assault the pyramid? How would he get in? What would he do once inside? And the fear-cudgel wouldn’t have it, as it smashed those thoughts and forced Schrodinger back into the moment.

Schrodinger watched in horror, unable to move. He grew more and more frightened with each passing moment that Clifford stared at the book. The fear-cudgel in his mind grew larger and stronger and more devastating with each and every page that Clifford flipped.

And Clifford did stare at the book for a moment. Then he frantically flipped page after page, scanning each one before moving on. Then he looked up, well, down, at the mouse.

“It’s blank!”

Historia, Part XXIV

They just stared at each other for what seemed like ages. Clifford reached up to scratch his own chin and realized that he now sported a full beard. As this realization dawned on him, hunger pangs growled from his stomach, “What do we have to eat?”

Schrodinger looked around, trying to find one of the cats, “Mr. MeowMeow, did you find the stock room?”

The cat stopped running long enough to speak, “Yes, down the main hall on the left. There is food for humans there.”

Clifford used his head to point the way and he hobbled after Schrodinger down the main hall. Schrodinger continually glanced back at him as they walked, “I sent some of my people to get your belongings at the house of Shakespeare. We have your bundle and guitar. Any idea where your old travel bag is?”

Clifford shook his head, “I haven’t seen it since....” And he realized that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen it, even though he’d had it in Lithe, which he’d been in at most three days earlier, but his time-sense was so messed up that it might have been decades since he’d been in Lithe, and in his dreams he’d doubted if Lithe even existed.

“No matter,” Schrodinger continued, “We’ll get you some food and talk about your plans for the pyramid.”

They reached the stock room and found cans of food, as well as a running refrigerator, which, after Schrodinger explained to Clifford what it was, Clifford slowly opened it to find cold drinks and cold cheese.

As they sat down to meal at the small table a rumble of thunder echoed down the hall, followed by the soft pitter-patter of rain on the roof. Clifford continued eating.

“Well,” Schrodinger said between bites, “you really think you can get in alone?”

“Hmm-mmm,” was the best Clifford could muster with a mouth full of food. He swallowed and nearly choked, “Yeah, I think it’ll be easier that way.”

The mouse nodded, “I can understand that. My mission here with the cats actually has nothing to do with the pyramid.”

Clifford, for no real reason other than he had loads of pent-up frustration with Historia, found this statement extremely annoying, “So why did you drag me along? And be honest with me, mouse.”

Schrodinger wiped his hands off on the tablecloth, “Okay. Honestly, you were as you said you were. You were a means to an end. I hate to tell you that, because at first that’s all you were. Then I learned of your gift, and realized that you would be excellent for replacing Father Time.”

Clifford just sat there, “So that’s it? You admit then that I was a means to an end?”

The mouse nodded.

“So my being here really doesn’t effect what you guys are doing? You really didn’t need me to get into the sentry station?”

“Actually,” Schrodinger said, “I was testing a theory there. I’m sorry you got shot. My theory was that, since you are here to replace Father Time the sentries on duty would recognize that fact and let you pass. I mean, with the strange crap that has been going on around you, why not?”

Clifford took another bite of the cold cheese, “And so I was your theory?”

“In a way,” the mouse replied, “But not necessarily. My theory was more on the lines of...”

Clifford held up a hand to stop him, “I don’t need any more of your psychobabble. I just want to finish this bite in peace,“ Clifford then stood up and began walking away, “Then I have to go. Now.”

He started for the door and then began the slow walk down the main hall. Schrodinger sat at the table for a few seconds before Clifford’s possible plan dawned on him.

The mouse then leapt from the table, and in his haste stumbled over a crack in the floor. By the time he regained his footing to follow him, Clifford was well ahead, “I understand your desire to leave, Clifford.” Schrodinger half-yelled, “But I implore you to at least wait until the storm passes.”

Clifford continued walking toward the courtyard. Schrodinger went after him, but was far enough behind that Clifford beat him to the open area by nearly ten seconds, which was more than enough time for him to cross to the cot and the shelf and grab the book.

As he turned around he saw a look of fear cross the mouse’s face, “No, Clifford, don’t.”

Clifford returned Schrodinger’s semi-evil grin, “Oh yeah.”

His thought process was actually rather simple, especially when compared to the mind-churning mental arithmetic he did when sorting out who Sora Thii actually was. Schrodinger had told him that his life was contained in a History book, which was impossible. And even if it was, then the likely outcome of Clifford opening the book and looking inside would be that he would enter a continual loop of opening the book and looking inside and opening the book and looking inside and opening the book and looking inside. And let’s be honest, that’s a far less stressful life than the one he’s living now.

Schrodinger, though, knew the truth of the situation.

Clifford opened the book.

Historia, Part XXIII

Personification is that attribution of human qualities to an inanimate object, roughly translated. English majors, especially those focused on poetry will tell you that the concept of personification cannot really be encapsulated in one sentence, and then they will go on to tell you all about personification and provide you with examples from every major literary period.

But in this case, just know that personification is the attribution of human qualities to an inanimate object. Therefore, the mere existence of doctor Sora Thii is reverse, or anti-, personification. She took on the qualities of an inanimate object, the city of Historia itself. Clifford would later learn that Sora Thii had been a real doctor. She was raised by her father after her mother had died in childbirth. Her father was strict military and he’d raised her to be as loyal as anyone to Historia.

She spent so much time around the military that she enlisted as a medic during one of the wars. No one really knows how she came to take on the attributes of the city, but she did. And as Historia faltered and failed, so did her body, until it became the thing that Clifford Jenkins killed.

Schrodinger had watched the entire conflict. There was no secret mission, and Slagthor was gone to scout out their next position. Everything Sora Thii had said to Clifford was a lie. And Clifford Jenkins was very good with guns.

“What do you mean, she didn’t love Father Time?” Clifford blurted, “If she’s the embodiment of Historia then she should basically worship him, shouldn’t she?”

Schrodinger leaned back on Clifford’s pillow, “Why? Ever since this current Father Time took power this city has crumbled. War has been everywhere, and it seems to have no end. That’s part of the reason why you’re here.”

“To replace Father Time, end the war, yada yada. I’m still trying to figure out how I live in a History book.”

The mouse sighed, “I really wish I could tell you, Clifford. But you know that I can’t. Now, why were you planning to go ahead? According to you I would’ve understood.”

Clifford limped over to the broken wall and sat down, “In my dreams I kept going to the pyramid alone. I think that I have to do just that. I’m sorry, but that’s why I came here. I realized it in my sleep. I left Nostalgia an came all this way, suffered what I suffered, lost you, lost Jamie, all so that I could go to that pyramid alone. I doubt the resistance will be too daunting. The statue toppled, the cannon exploded, and the top of the pyramid burned. I think I’ll be able to get in rather easily.”

Schrodinger rolled a bit to each side, wallowing out a deeper spot in the pillow, “You really think that you’ll be able to waltz into the pyramid without us? If it hadn’t been for us you wouldn’t have gotten this far. Honestly, Clifford, if I hadn’t led the way and Slagthor commanded his fellow cats to attack all who stood in our way...”

“Then I would never have gotten shot and I probably would’ve found my own way,” Clifford leaned forward, “I dreamed about that too. If I hadn’t met up with you after Jamie was killed I would’ve followed the streets to the pyramid, avoided the soldiers, and made it perfectly safely.”

Schrodinger stood up suddenly, “We’re both just conjecturing at this point. You and I both know that conjecturing does nothing but waste time. I’ve tried to protect you so far, Clifford Jenkins. From the moment we entered the King’s Valley I’ve been doing all I could to steer you in the right path.”

“And yet,” Clifford interjected, “when I lost you in Lithe I made it the rest of the way in relative safety and with a fair amount of haste. I probably could’ve done so without Jamie’s help.”

“Once again, conjecture.”

Clifford exhaled, frustrated, “Look, I just need to go on, okay? I shouldn’t have to explain myself.”

Schrodinger nodded, “Absolutely. Go on, then.”

Clifford just stared at him, “What?”

“Go. You’re set on it, I can tell.”

There was a moment, it felt to Clifford like years, that lasted only a few seconds, in which silence reigned over the courtyard of the sentry station. Clifford stared at Schrodinger, who returned the stare with equal, if not more fierce, intensity.

Then Clifford spoke, “I can’t do that.”

Schrodinger grinned, “I knew it. You need us.”

Clifford shook his head, “No, I don’t need you, Schrodinger. I haven’t needed you since Lithe.”

The mouse was, for the first time (Clifford noted it for the first time, and he was pretty sure that it indeed was the first time) confused. He looked down for a moment, then back up at Clifford, “I don’t understand.”

Clifford pointed to the shelf behind the cot, the place Schrodinger had watched the ordeal with Sora Thii from, “That book up there, the one you told me not to open...”

“Yeah?”

“I want to see how it ends.”

Historia, Part XXII

There is an old adage that reads “Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.” This adage has been attributed to many authors, philosophers, and even a stockbroker living in Trenton, New Jersey in the late 1960s, but they all had something wrong. Not a single one of the lot took into account the possibility that somewhere along the way history would be torn to shreds and pieced back together by a scholar, a monk, and a priest. What sounds like the start to a really funny joke actually set into motion a chain of events that echoed across time and space.

This group, commissioned by the first Father Time, had access to a library that had been ransacked and partially burned, and also to a history book in which every other page had been meticulously cut out. The aftermath was that history was pieced together using fiction to fill in the blanks. The Earth had been created by mice as an experiment (or created by God, Clifford‘s Teacher at the University had been a staunch supporter of this theory, if he‘d even existed, that is), after which time dinosaurs arose and dominated the landscape for some time, up until an ice age had forced a giant hairy elephant, a tiger, and a sloth to rescue a baby.

The baby, it was conjectured, had founded the University of Oxford, and then went on to rename himself Nobel. There was the first and second World Wars, and then there were five more world wars, each using the same weapons technology as the second. Once the wars were over it was realized that the planet’s population had been decimated.

The survivors huddled together in a large valley between two mountain ranges that eventually came to be known as the Mountains of Antiquity (Antique Mountains) to the east and the Mountains of Convenience to the west. The valley came to be called Historia, and a great city was devised on the models of cities found drawn in scrolls and books in the burned out library.

There have since been seventeen Father Time’s and, if a certain mouse General has his way, Clifford Jenkins will be replacing the current one. Of course, Clifford is passed out on a makeshift cot in a sentry station. He’s just been told that his life is bound by a history book that he used at the University in Nostalgia (or did he?) and that even though he once opened it every day (or did he?) he can no longer open it because he’s not allowed to know the ending.

The cot was very uncomfortable. Even in the fitful nightmares he was having while passed out, Clifford’s subconscious was standing in the corner of his skull complaining loudly about how uncomfortable the cot was.

He opened his eyes slowly, and the first thing he noticed was that it was nearing dawn in Historia. The second thing he noticed was that Schrodinger was not there. Doctor Sora Thii was standing a few feet away, looking out a window.

Clifford pushed himself into a sitting position and then moved his injured leg off the edge of the cot. He put a small amount of pressure on it, just to see if it could hold his weight. There was little pain, and so he stood up.

“Mr. Jenkins,” Sora Thii said, turning to face him, “You’re up.”

“Where’s Schrodinger?”

She stepped closer to him, “The General went on a secret mission with Slagthor.”

“Ah, Mittens.” Clifford grimaced as he took an awkward step, “Not so secret of a mission if you’re telling everyone, is it?”

She laughed, “You are part of the group. I figured it safe enough to tell you.”

Clifford straightened his shirt, “Well, I have to go on. Tell Schrodinger that I had to. He’ll understand.”

“No, you can’t. General’s orders. You are to remain here until he gets back.”

He looked at her puzzled, “I’m not a soldier. He’s not my General. I’m going on.”

She moved to block his path, “No!”

For a brief moment Clifford Jenkins could not understand why this doctor who had been so subdued and docile was suddenly stopping him. His brain began to whir, the synapses firing at about 8500 rpms. He would’ve thought that you could see smoke coming from his ears if he’d been able to think of anything other than Sora Thii.

She just stood there, blocking the door that would lead on toward the pyramid. He studied her, and then he blinked. In that moment, everything changed.

He once thought Sora Thii was beautiful, and she was to him. But now she was scary to say the least. Her skin was somewhat decayed, and seemed to decay more with each breath. Her clothes were tattered and her hair thinned. The eyes that had captivated more than one of his passed out dreams were now sunken pits on a marred face.

He drew back a bit, and did so suddenly. Sora Thii revealed a long dagger and began moving toward him in jerky motions. He stepped backward and found himself talking, “No no no no, you can’t. I need to move on. Schrodinger, your general, he knows that I need to. I’m not even supposed to be here. I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I mean, one day I’m sitting at home, the next day I’m walking toward...”

To explain what happened next in Clifford’s mind would require three blackboards, eighteen cases of chalk, a professor of theoretical physics from MIT, and a congressman to make you believe it all. I’ll try to explain it for you.

Clifford had been babbling nonsense from the moment Sora Thii produced the knife. He’d been backing up to draw her away from the door, hoping he could move past her quickly enough. He was also rather confused and terrified about her sudden change. As he tried to fit everything together in his head, a small gem of knowledge appeared. He simply rearranged the letters in her name. Let’s get back to the action...

“...Historia!”

The half-decaying doctor stopped. She tilted her head sideways, much like a puppy, “What?”

He just blinked, “Historia. You are Historia. Your name has the same number of letters, and is in fact a jumbled up version of Historia. You were never on our side.”

He was shocked to hear himself say “our side.”

Sora Thii gripped the knife even tighter, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Clifford smiled, “I think I do, actually. Father Time sent you to infiltrate Schrodinger’s army. You hid yourself as the doctor, taking on a rather pleasing form, I might add. Once you were positioned at the sentry station you were going to take out all the soldiers that Schrodinger brought and end whatever threat he posed to Father Time. Is that right?”

She grinned very evilly, “Not even close.”

He allowed himself to look disappointed, “Oh well.” He picked up the gun he’d been so deftly maneuvering to and fired once, shooting the good doctor squarely in the forehead.

“I never realized you were so good with guns, Clifford Jenkins.”

He spun around to see Schrodinger standing on a ledge behind him, “What was that?”

The mouse scampered down and jumped up onto the cot, “That was Historia, just as you said. I think you were right in saying that much, but I don’t think she had any love for Father Time. I’d say that she realized you could undo her, and she wanted to stop you.”

“So why was she all decayed?”

“This city is dying Clifford. I figured that you would’ve caught on to that by now.” Schrodinger said, once again grinning.

Review #31: Star Wars: Invincible

Well, we made it. 31 Star Wars book reviews. I wasn't sure I could pull it off, but I made it.

I am a Star Wars fan, so please don't let this review fool you. I am also a fan of well written novels, especially those that provide the finale to a nine book series. Legacy of the Force was just that, a nine book series chronicling the fall of Jacen Solo from Jedi Knight and Master to Sith Lord, where he took on the name Darth Caedus.

Troy Denning was handed the proverbial pen for the last book in the series, Invincible. The first thing I noticed was that Invincible was less than 300 pages. I'm okay with short novels, but when it is the last novel in a series... well, let's just say I was hoping for a little more bang for my buck.

The novel consists of two big lightsaber fights, a car chase, and one major character death. Really, honestly, after reading this book I felt like Troy Denning was basically giving Star Wars fans the middle finger. Some of the stuff in this book, like the big fight between Jacen and Jaina, and then the fact that former Imperial Admiral Daala is appointed Chief of State, are so unbelieveable, even for Star Wars, that the reader just sits back and contemplates lighting the book on fire.

I personally was so disappointed by this book that I took it upon myself to write a 20+ page treatment to a novel I would've written to end the series. Maybe one day I'll put it up here on the blog.

I like Troy Denning, I consider him on the best Star Wars authors. But this book really didn't fit with his other work.

Re-readability: 6.9
Final Grade: C-

Historia, Part XXI

The courtyard of the sentry station was very large, and their were a number of cots scattered about. It wasn’t until he inspected his on cot very closely that Clifford realized it was merely a park bench with the backing cut off. The ground was mostly grass, with some bits of broken asphalt here and there. The strangest thing was a length of what Clifford knew to be railroad track, about twenty feet long, just sitting in the middle of a pristine bit of grass. He had a hard time taking his eyes off it.

But right now, the railroad track wasn’t his concern. Only what Schrodinger had just said. Those words echoed in his mind until they snapped at a certain intersection between synapses and sent his thoughts into a rage-spiral.

Clifford just sat in shock for just a moment before unleashing a torrent of mutterings and curses. The mouse simply listened to all of it, blinking occasionally. Once Clifford’s momentary rage had subsided he leaned back on the cot and looked deep into Schrodinger’s eyes, “How am I supposed to replace Father Time?”

The mouse rocked forward and settled on all four legs, “I’m not sure, Clifford. All I know is that you are supposed to replace him. Now can you walk? We have to get moving.”

Clifford shook his head, “Oh no we don’t. I’m noticing something here, Schrodinger. I’m noticing that you need me to accomplish your goals. Remember when you whispered in my ear that there was untold wealth in the pyramid and it was mine if we could get there? I don’t care about the gold, or the jewels. I just want to know everything. Why are you using me?”

The mouse jumped down off the brick wall and made his way tot he foot of Clifford’s cot. Doctor Sora Thii offered him a hand and lifted him up onto the cot, “Clifford... I can see that you won’t be moved. Where do you want me to start?”

“How about from the beginning? That old thing in Carnacabidos was terrified of you, let’s start there.”

Schrodinger nodded, “It was a woman, by the way. Her name is Fate. She’s actually the last surviving of three sisters. They were once powerful members of the elite class, but they fell from grace. She knows me because she studied at the Book Place of Alex and Rhea.”

Clifford lifted a hand, “She said you were the progentater of the experiment. What is that?”

The mouse leaned back, resting against Clifford’s good foot, “The progenitor of the experiment, is what she said. Many, many years ago there was a book written that claimed that mice had ordered the construction of the Earth in order to solve a great question. The only thing I can assume is that, at some point, that book, which was a work of fiction, became accepted as reality, or at least the part about mice anyway. It’s actually kind of funny.”

Clifford exhaled loudly, “No, it’s not funny. Look, Schrodinger, I’m here in the middle of a war I don’t belong in, in the middle of a city I’ve only ever heard about in fairy tales, and I’m not even sure what’s going on anymore. My life really doesn’t make any sense.”

Schrodinger smiled, and for some reason Clifford thought it was the most evil smile the mouse could muster. Schrodinger spoke, “Then I guess it is time to explain you, Clifford Jenkins. It’s time to explain who you are, where you come from, and I suppose I should tell you about your gift.”

Clifford ran his hands through his hair, “Yeah, it’s about dad-blamed time you did!”

“Doctor Thii, please bring me the book.” Schrodinger waited until the doctor brought over a thick, dust-covered book and laid it on Clifford’s lap. “Do not open the book, Clifford, but just look at its cover.”

Clifford examined the front and back of the book, and gently ran his finger along the ends of the pages, a think patina of dust coming off with each touch, “I don’t get it. It’s the same History book I had at the University in Nostalgia.”

Schrodinger’s smile didn’t fade, “It is Nostalgia, Clifford Jenkins. It is everything you know. This will come as a big shock, and that is why I need the good doctor to take the book back from you.” Sora Thii reached over and took the book, but Clifford’s finger inexplicably clinched when she first touched the book, but he relented. Schrodinger nodded, “Clifford, that book is your life. You live within it. You are bound by it.”

“What!?!”

“Everything that you are, all that you do, is that book. In fact, everything around you is that book. At one point in the distant past all of history was... not so much erased as disjointed. There was a group of scholars who tried to piece everything together, but their template was fundamentally flawed, and they brought in bits and pieces of fiction to supplement their history. That’s why the Fate believed I was a progenitor of the experiment, even though I’m not.”

Clifford could feel his own mind reeling, “What does that mean?”

Schrodinger patted Clifford’s foot, “It means that history is not history, at least in the truest sense of the word. History has become a jumbled mess that needs someone to make sense of it. You are that one, Clifford Jenkins. Your gift is so rare that, I would wager, you are the only person ever to have it. You live this book, Clifford, but at the points where the scholars made mistakes you have the ability to correct their thinking. You can, in essence, change history to the correct path. Actually, I think your gift is more the ability to make history suit your needs, which is far more human than anything else. Humans change their environment to fit the needs they encounter, you merely have taken it to another level. You can change history to fit your needs.”

Clifford looked at the mouse blankly.

Schrodinger continued, “Think about it for a moment. In the King’s Valley, as we climbed down the wall, you saw buildings lining the river for as far as you could see, right? And yet, in the valley none of those buildings were there, although we followed the river’s course. And the river ran uphill, yes? Yet when you put the turkey’s entrails into the water they ran against the current back downhill. Is it possible that, because you believed the river to lead to Historia it flowed uphill to fit your mental image, even though ever bit of it’s fluid dynamic motion ran with gravity?”

Clifford shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re saying, Schrodinger. Are you telling me I can time travel or some crap?”

Schrodinger shook his head, but the grin remained, “No, Clifford Jenkins, I’m telling you that you can’t time travel. But you make time travel around you. The difference is so subtle that you never even knew you were doing it. Sometime long ago Nostalgia was deserted, but you remained behind, the only one living there. But you never realized it, because you forced history to bring people to you.”

Clifford closed his eyes, and he suddenly felt very faint. He could tell he was about to pass out, “No! That’s not possible!”

Schrodinger nodded, “It’s very possible, Clifford. That’s why you can’t open that book. You can’t look ahead. That book is your life. That book is all our lives. Destroy it and you destroy the world. But if you use it to replace Father Time, then you can set history aright.”

Clifford was shaking, and suddenly Doctor Sora Thii looked very nervous. She spoke softly to Schrodinger, “He’s not accepting this, General. He’s going to pass out.”

“Then let him rest,” the mouse said quietly. He then climbed up onto Clifford’s shoulder, “Rest for a while, Clifford. I know it is hard to believe, but you must believe it. The truth in this case is far stranger than the fiction could ever be.”

Review #30: Star Wars: Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader

James Luceno’s Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader begins immediately after the events of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The story follows Darth Vader as he acclimates to his life in the black suit and breathing mask. We learned that Vader has to change his fighting style because of the suit’s regulator, the box on his chest.

Vader is tracking down the last surviving Jedi, per the Emperor’s orders. His mission takes him to several planets and back to Coruscant for repairs at least once. He finally ends up on Kashyyyk tracking down Roan Shryne, a surviving Jedi Master. As he delivers the death blow to Shryne, Vader reveals that he is Anakin Skywalker.

As the novel comes to a close Obi-Wan Kenobi, now living in exile on Tatooine, learns that Darth Vader is alive. Previously he had thought Anakin had died on Mustafar.

This is one of Luceno’s weaker outing in the Star Wars universe. He wrote the finale to the New Jedi Order series, The Unifying Force, and he wrote the prequel to Revenge of the Sith, a novel called Labyrinth of Evil.

Re-readability: 7.9
Final Grade: C

Review #29: Star Wars: X-Wing: Wraith Squadron

Aaron Allston’s first X-wing book is Wraith Squadron. Set immediately after Michael Stackpole’s Rogue Squadron series, Allston’s story takes a slightly different path. Wedge Antilles is once again the star of the story. This time he decides to organize an X-wing squadron to hunt for Zsinj. His rationale for this squadron is quite simple. Rogue Squadron was a fighter unit that kept drawing commando assignments. This time Wedge wants to organize a commando squadron with flying experience.

The trick is, he wants washouts. Pilots that other units have rejected. Wedge thinks he can whip them into shape and make something very useful out of them. They begin training on Commenor, but shortly after starting, one of Zsinj’s commanders raids the base and forces the Republic forces to flee.

While running away, the Wraiths manage to take a Corellian blockade runner from Zsinj without him knowing. They pose as the crew and work their way closer to Zsinj from within.

The attrition rate is slightly higher than most Star Wars novels, but it keeps in line with Stackpole’s series. Allston, though, is by far funnier than Stackpole ever dreamed of being. Nothing against Michael stackpole, he is a very good author, but his inclination was more toward the technical side while Allston connects the reader to the character through humor.

I chose this book to be reviewed on my birthday because it is truly one of my favorite books. I’ve read it multiple times, and it never gets old. The characters are new, and by that I mean they aren’t retreads of old characters. Allston has truly created original characters within the confines of the Star Wars universe.

Re-readability: 9.99
Final Grade: A+

Review #28: Star Wars: Darksaber

Kevin J. Anderson’s Darksaber was one of my favorite books the first time I read it. Then I waited a couple of years and went back to read it again, and realized that it really wasn’t as good as I thought it was.

Don’t get me wrong, Darksaber is one of the better stand-alone novels in the Star Wars universe. The shortcoming, in my opinion, is the same thing I originally regarding as the novel’s biggest strength: the short chapters. The longest chapter in Darksaber is maybe 20 pages. I realize, too, that I first read this book when I was 15 years old, and obviously my attention span as developed into something stronger than it was before I started driving. The short chapters give the reader a sense that Kevin J. Anderson didn’t want to spend too much time on any one part of the story for too long.

Set immediately after Children of the Jedi, or eight years after Return of the Jedi, Darksaber tells the story of Durga the Hutt, a Hutt crime lord with ambitions of galactic domination. He obtains audience with Leia Organa Solo, now President of the New Republic, and while talking to her, his “pets” sneak off and access the computer core, where they steal the plans to the Death Star. That’s right, it’s kind of like a really smart dog hacking into the DOD database and stealing the plans for the A-bomb.

Durga returns to the Hoth Asteroid Belt, where he is building the Darksaber, a superweapon that is only the Death Star’s superlaser with little to no external amenities. Durga’s chief scientist, Bevel Lemelisk, is the man responsible for the Death Star, and in the course of this book we learn that Emperor Palpatine killed him a couple of times when work either got behind schedule, or when the Rebellion blew up the first Death Star.

General Crix Madine has a prominent role in this novel. Madine is the bearded fellow who gave part of the attack plan speech in Return of the Jedi. Giving a minor movie character a starring role in a novel usually means only one thing: that character is about to die. Sure enough, no sooner does the reader actually start to like Madine as a character, Durga shoots him and kills him.

Meanwhile, Luke Skywalker is travelling the galaxy with Callista, who was rescued from the Eye of Palpatine. Callista lost her Force powers when she took over the body of Cray Mingla, which is a really long story that I don’t care to tell.

The pair journeys to some rather exotic locales in the galaxy far, far away, including a spa resort inside a comet, Dagobah, and back to the old Rebel base on Hoth, where Luke once again encounters the wampa that he de-armed in The Empire Strikes Back.

The grand climax of the story comes when Durga tries to fly the Darksaber out of the asteroid belt, fails to do so, and explodes.

Kevin J. Anderson has written many Star Wars books, including four adult novels, and a series of children’s novels. This is probably his best, because, well, the Jedi Academy Trilogy could use a little work. Sorry, Kevin.

Re-readability: 8.7
Final Grade: B+

Review #27: Star Wars: The Courtship of Princess Leia

Dave Wolverton has one novel entry into the Star Wars universe, and it is The Courtship of Princess Leia. I have to say that, for a book with so many over-arching plot points, this is one of my least favorite Star Wars books. While some of the plot points are genuinely interesting, like Leia possibly marrying Prince Isolder of the Hapes Cluster as a means of political-alliance expediency or Luke finding the Chu’unthor, a Jedi training vessel that crashed on a planet 400 years earlier; other plot points are ravenously ludicrous. Han Solo is somehow able to get into a sabacc game (it’s like our poker) where the stakes are so high that Han eventually wins a planet. I will repeat that, Han Solo wins a planet.

The planet is Dathomir, which just so happens to be where Warlord Zsinj is currently hiding out. See, I told you some of the plot points are just a little too unbelievable. Prince Isolder arrives with the full might of the Hapan Consortium, hoping to marry Princess Leia.

Han, who is madly in love with Leia, snaps and kidnaps the Princess, running off to his newly won planet. Luke Skywalker follows them, and in the course of tracking them down locates the crashed Jedi training ship, where he finds a plethora of Jedi artifacts and data, all of which precursors him re-establishing the Jedi Order and a Jedi training facility.

Also, Luke dies in this story. That’s right, Luke Skywalker dies. Oh, don’t worry, the Force brings him back to life, because we can’t kill George Lucas’s cash cow, can we? Luke, in the process of reviving, actually sees the Force.

Eventually Han wins Leia over, Isolder marries a Jedi living on Dathomir, and Warlord Zsinj dies a fiery death.

Like I said, this story is one of my least favorites. I truly think that if Zahn or Matthew Stover had written it, the plot would’ve fit together far better than it did. I hope I am conveying the fact that I mean no disrespect to Dave Wolverton. I’m sure he’s a great writer, but Star Wars just doesn’t feel like his genre, if you know what I mean.

Re-readability: 6.8
Final Grade: D

Historia, Part XX

Clifford awoke to the smell of acrid smoke. Above him, in fact, directly above in the nighttime sky, was the constellation Hendrix. Deep within his mind, Clifford considered the constellation an old friend. A reminder of life in Nostalgia. A life that he probably could never go back to.

He let his head loll from one side to the other. He was laying on a narrow cot with a soft pillow under his head. And he was in a courtyard. Memory came flooding back to him. He was in the courtyard of the sentry station that the cat’s had just taken. With memory came pain. He looked down to see his left leg bandaged, but some blood had seeped through. He heard meows and hisses and figured that the cats were finishing up their sweeps of the sentry station, making sure that the building was secure.

Clifford pushed himself up with his elbows. He needed to talk to someone.

“Ah, good, you’re awake.”

Clifford looked over to see a woman dressed in a lab coat. The front of her smock was splattered with blood (Clifford assumed it was his). Her hair was light blond, almost white, and was pulled back in a very tight ponytail, except for the few strands that hung loosely on the right side of her face, sometimes entangling in the glasses she wore. Clifford hadn’t seen anyone wearing glasses since his time in Nostaglia. His granpappy had worn glasses.

“I am awake,” he muttered, and at that moment a massive headache slammed hard into the front of his skull. “Ugh. Who are you?”

She leaned close to him, “I am your doctor. Sora Thii is my name, Clifford Jenkins. The mouse, General Schrodinger, has been telling me much about you. You’ve journeyed very far to get here.”

Clifford raised his eyebrows, the closest he could manage to a shrug, “Yeah, I guess. Sometimes I wonder just how far I’ve come and how long I’ve been gone. When I left Nostalgia it was full of people, but a man that died just a few hours ago said that it was a ghost town the last time he was there, which if my math is right was the day before I left. I am very confused and befuddled.”

Doctor Sora Thii smiled, and Clifford was struck by her beauty. She was the first woman he’d seen since Lithe, but that wasn’t the reason he found her so attractive. Something about her...

“Ah, Clifford.” Schrodinger scampered in along the top of a broken brick wall, “Glad to see you awake. You lost a lot of blood. I am truly sorry.”

Clifford nodded, “It’s okay. I had a feeling that something was going to happen to me. It could’ve been worse.”

Schrodinger nestled beside Dr. Sora Thii, “I see you’ve met the good doctor. She’s been with us for a long time. She was an operative that joined the Historian forces and infiltrated them, using her, shall we say “feminine” wiles to gain a post here at the sentry station.”

Clifford cocked an eyebrow, “You mean you knew we’d be coming here? So why did I have to get shot?”

The mouse shrugged (still funny if you’ve never seen it) and folded his hands across his mousy pot-belly, “You had to show your face tot he sentries, Clifford. It was how Doctor Sora Thii would know that it was us. By telling them that you knew Father Time, you were merely relating the password, if you will, to the good doctor.”

Clifford drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled, “Is that all I am to you? A means to an end? I brought you across a desert. I got you through a war, all because of some gift you said I had. And now all you’re doing is using me to accomplish your goals.”

Sora Thii put a calming hand on Clifford’s chest, “Calm down. You’ve just been through a traumatic event.”

Clifford brushed her hand away, “I’m tired of the crap, Schrodinger. Be honest with me. Tell me, what is my purpose here? Why did I come to Historia? I know it wasn’t to be your gopher.”

Schrodinger’s hands dropped to his sides, “You want to know why you’re here?”

“Yes!”

“You really want to know?”

“Tell me!”

“It’ll ruin the surprise.”

Clifford threw his pillow in the general direction of the mouse, “Stop stalling and squeal!”

Schrodinger stood up to his full height, “Fine! Clifford Jenkins, you are here to replace Father Time.”

Review #26: Star Wars: X-Wing: The Bacta War

Michael Stackpole’s fourth entry in the X-Wing series is The Bacta War. This novel breaks from the traditional X-Wing style, as Rogue Squadron has become just that, a rogue squadron. At then end of book three they collectively resigned their commission to continue the hunt for Ysanne Isard, an action that they were forbidden from doing as soldiers of the Republic.

The battle eventually reaches Thyferra (where Isard has set up her new base), the planet most famous for making Bacta. Bacta is the bluish liquid that Luke Skywalker was floating in during The Empire Strikes Back. Wedge and the other pilots battle Isard’s forces and finally wrest the planet out of her control.

Isard is believed killed by Tycho Celchu. But you know enemies in Star Wars, just because they die doesn’t mean they’re dead.

Stackpole’s style is rather impressive within the confines of the Star Wars universe. He manages to keep the reader in a very technical story, without allowing the technology to overwhelm the reader. He creates a new villain that brings a despotic dread back to the old Empire. And he takes a minor character from the movies, Wedge Antilles, and fleshes him out into a full-fledged hero.

Re-readability: 8.9
Final Grade: B+

Review #25: Star Wars: X-Wing: The Krytos Trap

Book Three of the X-wing series by Michael Stackpole is The Krytos Trap. I know, we skipped book two, get over it. In the Krytos Trap Ysanne Isard has flees Coruscant, doing massive damage as her Super Star Destroyer, Lusankya, which was buried under part of the city, is raised it from its moorings, causing widespread devastation.

Tycho Celchu is on trial for the murder of Corran Horn, who’s fighter crashed while taking Coruscant. Celchu, it is thought, wired Horn’s ship crash.

Corran Horn, however, is a prisoner of Isard before she flees, and his escape is one of the main factors for her flight. Her secret prison, which Horn thought was on another planet, was hidden on Coruscant all along. Horn learns that fellow pilot Tycho Celchu is not the traitor that everyone thinks he is. Horn appears at Celchu’s trial and clears his name.

They are now dealing with a planet ravaged by plague, a plague that attacks only non-humans, stirring up anti-human sentiment all over Coruscant. Wedge and the rest discuss battle plans on how to take Isard out of the game. After clearing Celchu, the squadron resigns their commissions to carry out the war against Isard.

Re-readability: 9.6
Final Grade: A+

Review #24: Star Wars: X-Wing: Rogue Squadron

Michael Stackpole’s X-Wing: Rogue Squadron, takes us back to a time a mere two-and-a-half years after Return of the Jedi. The books follow Wedge Antilles and the legendary X-wing squadron. None of the normal heroes are in this book.

Wedge builds the squadron on Commenor and they eventually move to another planet for staging purposes. The book centers around the assault on Borleias, a planet central to the Alliance’s plan to take Coruscant away from the Empire, now controlled by former Intelligence director Ysanne Isard, or “Iceheart.”

The only gripe with this book is the speed with which Stackpole introduces his characters. The reader is given about twenty characters in the space of about fifteen pages, all with the hope that you can sort out who is who. Thankfully these books hold true to the Star Wars name, and the attrition rate is rather high. Corran Horn is first introduced in this series, as is Gavin Darklighter, ousin of Biggs Darklighter, who was one of Luke Skywalker’s best friends on Tatooine.

The Alliance finally takes Borleias, setting the stage for the invasion of Coruscant.

Stackpole was quoted as saying he could complete an X-wing novel in about 400 hours, which is rather quick, all things considered. His writing is very much styled after a video game, or so it would seem.

Re-readability: 9.3
Final Grade: A-

Review #23: Star Wars: Vision of the Future

The conclusion of the Hand of Thrawn duology is Vision of the Future. Once more Zahn showcases his mastery of the Star Wars universe. Although, this book is quite possibly the most annoying thing Zahn has written since The Icarus Hunt, which was an enjoyable story but after about 450 pages first-person becomes so annoying….

I digress. Vision of the Future is Timothy Zahn’s conclusion to the Thrawn story. The Caamas Document remains unfound at first, but eventually it turns up. Admiral Pellaeon reveals the deception of Flim and Disra, and tells Major Tierce that he is actually a clone of the original Major Tierce, who has been dead for nearly ten years.

Luke and Mara Jade infiltrate the actual Hand of Thrawn base on Nirauan, and in the process realize that they not only work well together, but that they actually love each other. They met the Qom Jha and the Qom Qua and eventually the reader just wants to shoot the book because these two races are so dad-blamed annoying. There are some rather sappy moments, and then the pair finds a clone of Thrawn himself, which they destroy.

The Civil War is averted and everything returns to normal for our heroes. Luke and Mara decide to get married; Han and Leia’s kids are slowly growing up. Chewbacca is still a walking carpet, and Lando is still selling Colt 45.

Re-readability: 8.7
Final Grade: B